do not

I was never meant to understand.

This made my heart sink and it hurt my eyes

The words were reflected

And not absorbed anymore.

My eyes would

Burn

And they wouldn’t truly read, ever.

Truly is spelled T-R-U-L-Y, there is no E. and there is no I in the only words I had left.

Which were nothing, because I could not speak.

I could only analyze incorrectly. Jump to conclusions. Make irrational decisions.

I could only stare and think and try to understand.

But,

I was never meant to understand.

On the morning she was moved to the cemetery, the one where Al Jolson is buried, I enrolled in a "Fear of Flying" class. "What is your worst fear?" the instructor asked, and I answered, "That I will finish this course and still be afraid."