dreaming

It was always so obvious.
I’d thought of your four-leaf clover of the morning.
I’d be a sleeping slow worm. Not a glow worm.
But I did feel the quickening pressure.
Anyways, this could be the summer.
This summer, take your slow turn.
I didn’t need your light-up walls, ever.

Emotion station: Explosion recreation.




........

and now, a baby :0)

uncovered/discovered

it's been called to my attention lately through conversations ending in "have a nice life" that i may be completely full of shit sometimes. but this i do know:
it really doesn't matter which killers album is your favorite.

and
more interests:
11. latte art
12. chimp displays
13. pathological liars
14. waking up and not immediately knowing where you are
15. unusual reactions
16. denim

i think it's come for the cold

all of these goodbyes can be quite draining.
i can feel the whirlpool beneath my cold feet.

i won't crawl out until i've felt every bullet pierce my flesh.

Here your heart

Here your heart, it rages.
Let's do this: Mine has rhythm but my knuckles are raw.
Your skin as the paper, it’s the only thing I miss.
Haha! Your lungs were too damaged , the nails kept slashing through.
Hammer and Spare
Your
Breath

All of this is forgotten
Never kept

The branches extended past my arms. But I stepped out from under them anyway.

In a coffin, just your body and
me.
Your spirit had already left.
Goddammit I throw
I haul and I kick and I toss.
But nothing breaks. Nothing even cracks.

my interests lately:

1. leaving things behind
2. things that are more than one day old but don't feel/taste that way
3. limbs being ripped from bodies
4. chains (paper, gold, fences)
5. Bonnaroo
6. mix cds
7. reaching out
8. creation
9. words
10. movement


everyone flies towards the sun,
everything has always been you.

i feel alive, i feel alive

one of us sinks and one of us drinks and one of us is nothing at all

SUDDENLY

it all makes sense!
attack, attack

drunk and fucked up like the twilight

"And for the record I'd stand right here on the corner
Waiting for justice to bring you here to me."

finally, i felt the calming breeze

this is me

here we are

my skin went through your skin

and

oven racks and travel-sized shampoo.
umbrellas and moon roofs and rainforest canopies.

this is about you.

translucence.
paper bags.
rollercoasters.
beebop and rocksteady.

candlelit starling

I really fucking love everything. I don't know if I say that enough. I want everyone to love as much as I do.

So, as inspired by one of my favorite people that I don't actually know in real life, I've decided to make some important lists on this FINE FINE morning.

Here:
"Parts of Bukowski poems that are awesome"
(this is not a definitive list OBVIOUSLY)

1.
"Dear child, I only did to you what the sparrow did to you; I am old when it is fashionable to be young; I cry when it is fashionable to laugh. I hated you when it would have taken less courage to love."

This is, hands down, one of my favorite things I have ever read/seen/heard.

2.
"Some men never
die
and some men never
live
but we are all alive
tonight."

Great choice of spacing, Chuck (my nickname for him btw), just great.

3.
"it has been a beautiful
fight
still
is."

HOW COULD I NOT LOVE THAT!?!?

4.
"I wish to weep
but sorrow is
stupid.
I wish to believe
but belief is a
graveyard."

whoa. Belief IS a graveyard!

5.
"now
something so sad
has hold of us
that
the breath leaves
and we can't even
cry."

Too close to home, Chuck bro.

6.
"I just feel better and it's good to feel better
whenever you can
not needing a reason."

Some of these have shaped my outlook on life, seriously yall.

7.
"I was too young
and you were too
pretty for me
anyway."

This one is last because I'm not entirely sure it's Bukowski. But is it written on my Bukowski page in my SECRET NOTEBOOK #1 so I think it's safe to assume. I like it.

AND AND AND:

"Top 5 Mary-Kate and Ashley Songs"

1. "At the End of the Day"

This was from that great film How the West was Fun. Not only did I listen to this song on repeat on my cassette-tape soundtrack, but I also recorded myself singing it (I would walk farther away from the tape recorder for the fade-out effect at the end) and listened to THAT on repeat.

2. "Give Us A Mystery"

Classic Olsen twins. This song brings up a lot of life's greatest questions. "What's in your brother's dresser drawers?" and "What's in that Barney suit?" WHO KNOWS!?!?!

3. "Stayin' Cool"

DOUBLE MEANINGS! "Cool" as in COOL and "cool" as in cold. That's right, the Olsen twins brought it there. I'm fairly certain this was from the Hawaii party video. It makes me want to stay cool.

4. "Nothing To Do"

Bored?? JUST PUT THIS SONG ON AND NOT ANYMORE!!! What's even GREATER is that it gives a lot of examples of tasty food to eat, like 60 pancakes or 2 fat bananas.
This song would be higher up on the list if it was titled "Nothing 2 Do".

5. "Brother for Sale"

This song begins with the Olsen twins bargaining the price for their little brother AND THEN at the end they decide to keep him!!!! That's love right there.

_____________

"their love is what has kept me on my feet"

my features are easy.

i.am.fascinated.

freesh

And then it happened. I was in bed and you were in love and I wouldn't pick up the phone.
It was a cry for attention gone too far.
Oh, ok, that's just what you say to everyone, OH OK.
Fireworks was not a suitable description for how I felt.
The comparison happens much less frequently than expected. ...?
The most perfect answer to any question was. It doesn't matter.
My thoughts were selfish and I hate myself for ever letting you feel pain.
Where have you been this whole time? Just around the corner, where I couldn't stray.
Oh wait, that wasn't you, that was just my reminder to fall asleep.


How can you miss me when I was never there?


Remember that time I wanted to put my hand on your shoulder but it would have been way too weird? That's when I knew.

the afternoon

no, quite the opposite actually.

ba da da da da da

HEY YALL

you know what. life is really fucking awesome.
i'm so tired but i just had to BLOGGGG about... i'm not sure.
i don't really know anything.
i was supposed to go to sleep but i just wanted to hear this song so bad so i put on itunes and ended up here!!! HAHAH YES~!

ok.
"oh you got engaged, congratulations"
"why can't i give you my number"
....
BECAUSE I'M WAY MORE AWESOME THAN YOU THAT'S WHY>!!
plus i already have like 500 boyfriends. and i'm so busy always giving random guys blowjobs.
thats a metaphor.
i dont really do that yall.
but here's something that isn't a metaphor:
I GOT A CARDBOARD CUT... like a paper cut only 10XXXX HXC
its on my pinky and it fucking hurts.

and my brother just got a mohawk jacket for his BABY
baby baby baby boy.

i feel like i'm going to die everyday.

i don't really have 500 boyfriends.

i think this would be a good ending:
things cats do:
play when i'm trying to sleep
pounce on my feet
cough in my face
knock things off my dresser NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN
tear up my format posters
pull things off my bulletin board

.... oh but. this is not the ending... in case you thought it was, you would be wrong.
this is only the beginning.

waves carry me out

leah is so beautiful.




____________

.

textsfromlastnight.com

rev:

we are the ones

and they are the ones

and i'm yours, too

a faceless haunting

i didn't know

my eyes are always the ones that lie. i fucking hate them. 

well, they look better on you anyway.

NO

NO

NO

YOU DO NOT EXIST

you know what else needs to not exist? kissing pictures

d o n o t l e t g o

cold spell

Can anyone remind me 
of who I was a year ago
Before sad love 
sounded better than the lack of
Cause now I'm just alone

_______

I'd love your frame

but not your organs.

_______

with one last breath

she climbed into your giant leather

armchair

you know the one that held

your scent long after you died.

she sunk

sunk until the cushions

swallowed her whole

took her under.

she became

one with the chair then

where you can sit in her lap

always.

and your problems will sink.

she will hold them for you.