desert

here is a picture of me:

here is another picture of me:

here is another one:

me me me me me me me

i have been having nightmares

_________________

"during my worst times

on the park benches

in the jails

or living with

whores

I always had this certain

contentment-

I wouldn't call it

happiness-

it was more of an inner

balance 

that settled for

whatever was occuring

and it helped in the

factories

and when relationships 

went wrong

with the 

girls. 

it helped 

through the

wars and the

hangovers

the backalley fights

the 

hospitals. 

to awaken in a cheap room

in a strange city and

pull up the shade-

this was the craziest kind of

contentment

and to walk across the floor

to an old dresser with a 

cracked mirror- 

see myself, ugly,

grinning at it all. 

what matters most is

how well you 

walk through the

fire."

i and love and you

this came on at work this morning and it made making coffee 548 times more enjoyable

ice with no fire

there is still something

slightly, just barely,

uneasy

SUNDAY MOST FUNDAY

todayyy 

the best day i've had in a long time

I SPENT THE NIGHT IN A CEMETERY

for a bon iver concert. . . . .  BESTTT EVER and i cannot think of another band that i would enjoy so much in a cemetery at 5:45 am.

i got there at midnight

they showed bottle rocket and planet earth and i drifted in and out of sleep, huddled under my flannel shirt in the cold california morning until the show started 

THEN

i came back to my apt and i went to sleep for real with blankets and pillows

THEN MELROSE FLEA MARKET 

which is my favorite thing in los angeles

also i watched matilda

ate at panera bread (iced green tea woowwww)

and bought moccasin boots

sunday is my favorite day.

and this particular sunday was my very favorite.

i'm dying to sleep in a cemetery tonight

HA GET IT?!

everything that happens

happens tonight

every place i go i take another place with me.

graveyard cupcakes

your heavy coffin lingers-

surrounded by the growing shapes

that twist and bend and turn but never break

could this be

freedom?

for those of us

who have hated ourselves once

or maybe always

two hundred thats all

i am no prodigy

i am no miracle

i am not special

i am not ahead of my time

i am not teaching

i am not living

i am not leaving

i am not leaving

i am not leaving

i am not leaving

i am not leaving

oh hey

none of this makes sense lately does itttt

MELROSE FLEA MARKET SUNDAY FUNDAY

++getting over colds = awesome

fall apart for love

"now we're swimming down

where iron doors are open

and there is too much fear

to breathe"

okay

halfway

i wish i was performing surgery right now.

 

i had this thought of pete wentz supporting this soccer team who practiced against polar bears.

iiiiiiii'mmmm sooooo awwwwaaaake

 

sky blue

i may or may not have an idea

i used to be talented

"But everyone disappears, no matter who loves them."

laurel canyon

i thought

i was dreaming

but this was

very real

pinpoint

this is my favorite part:

the fuckin honor-fuckin-ary fuckin title

met her at a show

her dress was stained

and her eyes had a glow

been gone a long time

the situation:

a memorandum to the drivers in this lovely city of Los Angeles, California:

CLEARLY IF THE LANE IS RIGHT-TURN ONLY THAT DOES NOT MEAN DRIVE TO THE FRONT OF IT AND MERGE INTO THE LEFT LANE SO THE RULE-FOLLOWERS SUCH AS MYSELF HAVE TO WAIT EVEN LONGER

come

i was never comfortable with holding so much power in my cold hands

we are all the same inside?

sunday funday

i'd be okay with disappearing i think

there is no apples to apples in my life these days

it doesn't have to be a summary

we have 

expired on christmas since 1999

we are

not 21 anymore

we still

believe in lies for the sake of keeping it simple

we love

and i would never desire simplicity again

one night.

moved

and i'll be residing at the whole foods two blocks away from my apartment

i feel that love is easier to describe now

i miss this a lot

i've considered making this into a FASHION BLOG because well,

i hear its the cool new thing to do

and i am always so up-to-date on the hippest

coolest things

but what i'd really rather do

is post pictures of osiris

 

write amazing, heartwrenching AND heartwarming poetry

and make lists such as this one:

Things I Don't Like Very Much, Beginning with Each Letter of the Alphabet:

Artificial banana-flavored things like runts and laffy taffy and snow cones

Being out of shape

Crystal meth

Diets and being in the presence of girls who are on them

Empty milk cartons when i haven't even gotten enough for my cereal!

Feeling like i've forgotten something important

Going unfortunately slow uphill in my struggling vehicle

Hurting people's feelings

Internal organs

Jager-bombs

Kendra, the girl on E who laughs after everything she says and who does the ifly thing topless

Living in a frat-house environment lately

Mistreatment of animals

Not being able to fall asleep

Only doing things for the sole purpose of adding to your resume

Parking structures that could collapse at any moment

Quentin Tarantino's in-store event being sold-out at Amoeba

Raising Canes fried chicken

Strip clubs

Temperatures above 100 degrees

Unnecessary competition

Valentine's day

Words that sound like they shouldn't be plural but they are sometimes, like "trashes" and "persons"

X-rays in the middle of the night

Yelling out people's pastry order and they never come to get it, so i eat it because i mean, it's already been paid for, and then they come back hours later and say "where's my ____?" IT'S IN MY STOMACH

Zoophilia

i don't have anything extraordinary

this is where you'll end up

sometimes it gets worse before it gets better

and i wish our souls would transform sometimes

so we could become each other

i've got big plans

but didn't i say that years ago?

some of this i never wanted documented

but regardless

life is so beautiful these days