Wednesday, September 30, 2009

desert

here is a picture of me:

here is another picture of me:

here is another one:


me me me me me me me
i have been having nightmares

_________________

"during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
whores
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance 
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships 
went wrong
with the 
girls. 
it helped 
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the 
hospitals. 
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a 
cracked mirror- 
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all. 
what matters most is
how well you 
walk through the
fire."

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

i and love and you


this came on at work this morning and it made making coffee 548 times more enjoyable

ice with no fire

there is still something
slightly, just barely,
uneasy




Sunday, September 27, 2009

SUNDAY MOST FUNDAY




todayyy 
the best day i've had in a long time
I SPENT THE NIGHT IN A CEMETERY
for a bon iver concert. . . . .  BESTTT EVER and i cannot think of another band that i would enjoy so much in a cemetery at 5:45 am.
i got there at midnight
they showed bottle rocket and planet earth and i drifted in and out of sleep, huddled under my flannel shirt in the cold california morning until the show started 
THEN
i came back to my apt and i went to sleep for real with blankets and pillows
THEN MELROSE FLEA MARKET 
which is my favorite thing in los angeles
also i watched matilda
ate at panera bread (iced green tea woowwww)
and bought moccasin boots

sunday is my favorite day.
and this particular sunday was my very favorite.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

i'm dying to sleep in a cemetery tonight

HA GET IT?!


everything that happens
happens tonight

every place i go i take another place with me.



graveyard cupcakes

your heavy coffin lingers-
surrounded by the growing shapes
that twist and bend and turn but never break
could this be
freedom?
for those of us
who have hated ourselves once
or maybe always

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

two hundred thats all

i am no prodigy
i am no miracle
i am not special
i am not ahead of my time
i am not teaching
i am not living
i am not leaving
i am not leaving
i am not leaving
i am not leaving
i am not leaving