seventeen magazine circa 1999

just spent the afternoon writing fake traumaramas like this one:

my friends and i were playing truth or dare at a sleepover. when my turn came up, of course i chose dare! my friends dared me to go outside and flash the next person who walked by the house. being the daredevil i am, i went outside and waited. i saw two guys walking toward me, so i lifted up my top and flashed them! while my shirt was still over my head, i heard a familiar voice say "what are you DOING?" then, i lowered my shirt only to find that it was my older brother and his super-hot best friend. i was so humilated! from now on, i'm picking truth.

can't stay away from blogs 4ever, y'all

fun. what the fuck

after fun. played a new song at their show in dallas a couple of weeks ago, i've been slightly obsessively watching videos of it on youtube.

here's my sort-of attempt at figuring out the lyrics.

fun "what the fuck" lyrics:

oh x infinity

surprise, surprise

*can't understand this part :o(*

but at night, you were out, i was inside

feeling sorry for myself

i drank as many bottles i could find

i broke into your room,

i tried on all your clothes,

and i read every note

what the fuck

happened to us?

what the fuck

happened to us?

we used to be something,

i can't remember just what

oh x infinity

***i'm sure the lyrics here are something spectacular but i can't understand them~~

i said "i don't mind if it takes time,

i just want to get away,

i want to take it back to all the days when we would stay in bed

i lay my head upon your lap,

i hope you never take it back"

oh oh oh

to my surprise,

well all those pages were black and white

so i said SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING

drunk and uncomfortable in here

SOMETHING. (oh shit i'm doing a bad job at figuring these out)

what the fuck

happened to us?

what the fuck

happened to us?

we used to be something,

****NOW Y'ALL THIS PART GETS GOOD/MAKES ME CRY A LITTLE***

if i could name just one thing

that's gonna haunt me

that's gonna bleed me dry

that's gonna bruise,

it'd have to be the look upon your face when i

came to pick you up,

take you away,

you just stood there in the hall,

waiting for me to call it off,

what kind of selfish piece of shit

would base a life on no regrets,

would let the only one who really understood me walk alone.

and i closed the door

i made it halfway down the hall,

something caught my eye, and i fell apart.

well there's a picture on your dresser drawer,

it doesn't even look like me,

but i swear to god when the walls went up,

i wish we could have shined forever

somethiiiing

you were beautiful, it was your birthday

and only for a night we believed in magic.

~THE BEST PART OMG OMG OMG~

do you remember when i woke you up

to tell you i love you?

do you remember when i woke you up

to tell you i l-l-l-love you?

***a variety of youtube video differences ultimately resulting in:***

i still do.

*MELTZIES guyz*

what the fuck

happened to us?

what the fuck

happened to us?

we used to be something,

i can't remember just what.

so glad i just spent 30 minutes trying to figure that out instead of doing homework~*~

i fucking love nate ruess and fun.

ALSO

i haven't used this blog in so long because of my 365 day project, but when it's over i'm contemplating using this one again, starting a new one, or just leaving the blogging community entirely.

2010

i feel my eyes closing lately.

i feel ready for change.

and now

what an appropriate time!

winter

please just pack your suitcase

and go

365

lights

The Jolly Christmas Postman

zero | MySpace Video

in the holiday spirit

all Mimzy were the borogoves

sometimes i think i see her

but it's only an object

or a shadow

or a movement

for strangers who are searching for bon iver hollywood forever:

VLOGGGVLOGVLOG

MEOOW

and here's one thing

i plan to finish:

a 365 day project

hallelujah

perhaps if i was to choose a

worst day ever

it might be today

........

my bbygrrrl is not feeling well at all

meowww

Or I'm dreaming.

I am...

just kidding

just kidding

I had some health problems, and I died on the 16th. Just kidding...

_________________

My boyfriend is popular, I'm trying to talk to these girls but they just won't listen.

We live in the shadow.

And I am the last person to realize-

The shadow is me.

I died on the 16th. The only people who can hear and see me are dead too. Or they have special devices to hear and see me. Or I'm dreaming.

*cut to scene of people having fun on the beach*

vain unknowing

it's not a matter of the faint, my dear
it's what our eyes see that makes us weak
and what they don't that makes us think

I envy seas whereon he rides,
I envy spokes of wheels
Of chariots that him convey,
I envy speechless hills
That gaze upon his journey;
How easy all can see
What is forbidden utterly
As heaven, unto me!
I envy nests of sparrows
That dot his distant eaves,
The wealthy fly upon his pane,
The happy, happy leaves
That just abroad his window
Have summer’s leave to be,
The earrings of Pizarro
Could not obtain for me.
I envy light that wakes him,
And bells that boldly ring
To tell him it is noon abroad,—
Myself his noon could bring,
Yet interdict my blossom
And abrogate my bee,
Lest noon in everlasting night
Drop Gabriel and me.

au revoir

the wind blew me back

The City That Works

wah wah wah things aren't going my way.

BUT
i'm going to chicago tomorrow.
GURL FAMILY TIME.
i'm going to knit and shop and enjoi being away.
hopefully my days will be better when i return.

the coolest thing i've ever posted

i wasn't going to turn on my computer at all today because i've been spending way too much time lately staring at a screen of some sort....

but i had to find this:

how that guy plays every damn level with a constant star is beyond me.

hah

isn't there another way i could be spending my time?

NO, NO THERE'S NOT

OH and i had to listen to the fun..... christmas song and add movies to dacoda's and my netflix queue. i'm not too sure about the correct grammar of that sentence?? dacoda's and mine?

ps: sleep deprived and espressoed HELLO NICE TO MEET YOUU I'M GOING TO PUT MY KINKS RECORD ON NOW

oh, we all do, everybody abandoned you

brrrrmeow

the road less traveled

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

it tasted sweeter

feel the sunlight

so long, love's at your fingertips
it moves, i still can't reach
touch heat, i carry you forever
breathe out, it longs to teach

look at me i'm leaning out apartment windows singing "i still miss someone"

the countdown

hearts are more fragile than i ever would have expected

the blackest of black

i'm not burning out

but burning strong, for now

i've been christmas-browsing today. mostly online. also i accidentally bought myself a beautiful dress and an ugly jester sweater.

ho ho ho
oh shit

i'm working on a 365 day project and an end-of-the-year project, sort of. remember how i never finish anything?

fade in

love iz

a big fat

turkey

and everyday

iz

thanksgiving

-bukowski

it's t-givs.

my least favorite holiday.

let's begin, again.

something good and something even better:

"and in my mind i still need a place to go

all my changes were there"

one

this time last year i was alone

but not really alone

working at starbucks and hot topic

acting and directing

and watching the best years

and getting ready to graduate

and change

and hurt

myself and others in the process

oh just some practical everyday shoes that i want

mmmmm